hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
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