I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
