Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
