apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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