I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
