Me. At least after what I've been through.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
