I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
