yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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