Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
she peed on how many people?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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