Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
