I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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