Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
whose ass print is on the piano?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
