So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
