I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
