Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
