That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
