i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.