I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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