the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.