just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.