sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised