My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches