i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
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Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
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Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?