TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
