i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
