i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
