Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
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He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
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There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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