watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize