I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
