I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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