look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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