very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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