my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
