you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
