Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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