Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
