I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
