just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
