...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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