Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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