I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
