I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
