Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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