If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
