mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
