I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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