he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
we're making bets on your personal life
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
