giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
