she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
