what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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