shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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