Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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