you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
