I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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