when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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