How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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