He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
