now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
