How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
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Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
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I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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