I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
