Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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