my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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