This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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