I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
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Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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