The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
