Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
