the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
