The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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