You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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