so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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